Solitary Woman

What brings you back to the past? A sound? An image? A smell? A day?
Well, at the moment I went through all on my own. February the 14th, indeed one of the most depressing days in the year for me as I am single and hate this day cause I believe that I have some kind of a bad spell on me against love.(I know how pathetic I sound and I dont give a flying duck.
The last time I celebrated the Valentine's day was 4 years ago(SAD) and that was with my first and real love i think. It was a great day but I managed to ruin that relationship as well as its one of my very talents, ruining stuff. May sound funny but I believe that I got doomed on that day because of a reason that I will not share ahahhaha Since then, I have managed to get drunk and remember those memories on this day. When the clock hit 00:00, I started listening to some old music that transferred me directly in to those times.. Images started coming and all of the memories of that time. I believe that its not the person that I miss, I miss the feelings and myself at that time..
Everything changed since then and I got lost in the past once again. I miss the old me, so naive, could ignore everything and did not realise the seriousness of life.. I didn't know that my dad was cheating on my mum, I didn't know that I was going to get cheated on with my best friend, I didn't know that we were in serious debt, I just cared about myself and how i felt. Wish I could become like that.. No feeling of guilt or no worries about the future or the present and even trying to change the past constantly..
I am aware of the fact that most of the things I write are about these, but I believe that by writing I will get over them soon. And also, my posts show how my mood changes even though I'm on medication. I don't have extreme feelings but I can get lost in the past sometimes. I cannot feel numb all the time, can I?
Anyway,everythng happens for a reason but I fail to find the reason for somethings that I have gone through and still going through.. How many more Valentine's days will come and go with me and my wine beside me.. I just have a little message to my stupid prince charming, HURRY UP BABE LOSING PATIENCE!
All of those with a valentine I really hope you enjoy your day and all of the singles, do not over commit on the alcohol.

xox